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& I didn't cry myself to sleep last night
because I slept with someone else,
and I couldn't find the tears
due to exhaustion.

back to the same routine
"well, I thought today was good."
and so badly
I want to talk
but I instead resort to blades
and bracelets.

"no, not now.
I'll tell you later."
too bad you forgot.
too bad I'm a coward.

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including emotions lost-
the memory is just as strong.
the action replayed only once
because once was all I needed.

that one moment:
The instant in which all senses-
heightened.
While your mind seeps into complete forgetfulness.
when your worries and wants
and regrets are found only in oblivion,
a place you can't reach
because you don't want to
and for once what you want is yours.
that one moment...


then the next arrives, not even half as good
sigh.
followed by cold water.